I had dinner with a client last week. She is the CFO of a manufacturing firm in Western Sydney that has a strong global presence. We had a great conversation about striving, that constant feeling of never being enough, how the behaviour of others impacts us, and the challenges of being a female leader in today’s world.
The very next day, as if the universe was listening in, an article Why do people get jealous when you shine landed in my inbox touching on these themes. I shared this article with her and here are our combined takeaways.
- Success can feel like a double-edged sword. While it’s rewarding, it often comes with unexpected resistance—sometimes from people you thought would cheer you on.
- “Women have a hard time being unapologetic because they have to unlearn humility”.
Comment from client - "OMG I often cite humility as one of my best qualities and the quality I most admire in others! It’s so true,
its ingrained in me – don’t stand out, don’t draw attention to yourself, don’t boast etc etc”
- “If you’re worried people think you are getting too big for your boots, it’s because a little voice inside is telling you they’re right” (nasty, nasty voice!)
- “When you’re at peace with yourself and your actions you are less vulnerable to self-doubt and less of a praise hungry egomaniac”
- “We live in a society that tells us we exist to serve others, and anything else demands an apology”
My Mum comes from a traditional village Polish background where women have historically taken on the role of catering to men (like a lot of cultures - not just the Poles) and she certainly doesn’t make it easy to challenge this notion. She often reinforces it—quite vocally, I might add! I try to look inward (with gritted teeth sometimes!!) and remind myself that she’s simply a product of her upbringing. At 76 years, I know I won’t change her perspective, so instead, I choose to focus on the many traits that I admire in her
- “other people’s criticism, judgement or negativity can only affect you if part of you believes it’s true, when you believe in yourself and your work, other people’s reactions fall into the background”
Solution - Focus on 2 things: Easy right!!!
- Your peace: Work on believing in yourself. Criticism only stings when it echoes your self-doubt.
- Your contribution: Shift your focus outward—what difference are you making? How can you serve? When you focus on impact, the noise fades.
As women, we’ve been conditioned to apologise for ambition, justify our success, and explain our brilliance. Let’s try and quiet that nasty inner voice and stop. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or apology for wanting, striving, or achieving. Your success is not an accident—you’ve earned it.
To anyone (not just women) navigating jealousy or negativity on your rise: keep shining. You’re filtering out the noise and attracting the right people to your corner. Let them deal with their stuff while you focus on yours.
Thanks Alicia McKay - Love your emails.
The article ends with a powerful mantra by Issa Rae that I think more of us need to hear:
“You deserve this. Bye.”
